Motherhood Is Not A Job...

Disclaimer: Views expressed here are my own opinions and lived experiences. If you have something different and helpful to share - comment below. 

Once upon a time, I was on the verge of experiencing Motherhood burnout (ok maybe I was fully there). One day while mindlessly scrolling through YouTube, looking for a distraction, I came across a video explaining the difference between Burnout and Depression while simultaneously reading articles about Motherhood Burnout. Less than 5 minutes in (reading and listening) it dawned on me that Motherhood is not a job and comparing it to a job is an orange vs. apples situation. 

You see, in the video, the speaker gave a powerful example of what burnout is and that’s when light bulbs went off for me. 

She shared that when a person is burnt out they can go on vacation with all the reassurance that someone is handling their everyday duties at work. Thus, when they go on vacation they can be fully present, relaxed, recharged and refreshed to go back to work. 

On the other hand when a person is depressed the darkness follows them.

Caveat: I am in no way saying your kids are the darkness. (Wipes sweat 😅)

On the flip side: I once saw a meme that said ‘parents of young children don’t have relaxing vacations; they just pack up the chaos at their house and move it to another location.’ 

Back to the train of thought...

In trying to liken her description/example to Motherhood burnout - I could not. For starters, which Mom, especially of littles, can go on a tropical vacation away from their young children and fully relax and unwind? 

Show forth yourself because I’d love to psychoanalyze you. Lol.

On a serious note...

Mothering is a 24/7 thing whether stay at home mom or working a job at home mom. 

Question for work out of home moms: Do you think of motherhood as a 24/7 thing? Comment down below 👇🏾

I want to highlight three fundamental ways in which a regular job differs from Motherhood:

1. You can always change a job or quit it all together.
2. If you quit your job you’re easily replaced and it’s back to business as usual. 
3. When you leave work (and if you’re good at setting healthy work life boundaries) you don’t have to think about it or do any work till the next work day. 

Caveat: There are people who treat work/ a job like their baby and jobs that want to consume even your dreams/nightmares. 

The list goes on but when I think of these 3 key differences, I’m reminded that Motherhood is not a job but a high calling and the work a mother does is ALWAYS calling. 

This non-stop existence can lead to Motherhood burnout because it is so all consuming. So based on what I’ve lived, read and watched...here are some ways to combat Motherhood burnout:

1. Get enough rest. Whatever your body needs to function, at it’s best, prioritize that and get that amount. 
2. Get the right nutrition. Because basically Motherhood is a marathon so fuelling on coffee just won’t cut it. Get the good stuff (fruits, veggies, vitamins, minerals etc) your body needs to be sharp and focused. 
3. Get enough exercise. Because these kids are not slowing down or taking days off. 
4. Set boundaries and expectations.Kids take/demand a lot of time and energy so manage expectations with your social circle/gadget life. People will come to understand that you’re a busy mom of 1...2...3...4...etc kids and that you’ll eventually return their text or missed call.
5. Ask for help/advice/supportwhen you need it and remember to pay it forward.
6. Prioritize alone time. Whether it’s 45 minutes or an hour in the morning, noon or night...pray, journal, meditate, sing, dance...do something that is going to emotionally/spiritually energize you. 
7. Plan & Organizeyour days including your fun days. The work spent planning on the front end will save you the burnout on the back end. In general, time spent organizing your life is never wasted time. 
8. Remember Your Why. Write it down, put it on your vision board anything that will remind you of why being the best mother you can be is important you. 

Caveat: If untreated, burnout can lead to depression (consult your Doctor or healthcare provider on this).

Motherhood is dynamic, important, enormous, tiresome, consuming, multifaceted, challenging, [insert some good adjectives] and if done to the best of your ability, can create a positive ripple effect for generations to come.

On those especially tough days, remember you’re not alone in this ‘hood. Just think of the many mothers before you or around you who are also powering through the hard moments. Take comfort in that fact that you are not alone. 

A Postpartum Checklist for Vaginal Births

Disclaimer: Consult with your healthcare provider if you are unsure of items to use postpartum.

A Postpartum Checklist for mom's to be because there's so much more to post-partum care than 'snapping back'. 

Got Pregnancy Anxiety?

Disclaimer: This information is not medical advice. Please consult your physician or health care provider for medical advice. 

So you’ve read the baby books, attended the baby classes, done the virtual hospital tours, done your registry, had your baby shower, packed your hospital bags and nested/baby proofed as much as humanly possible but you’re still feeling...anxious.

Here are 3 ways you can help ease the pregnancy jitters!

1. Connect. Especially with the those who make you feel grounded. Pregnancy can, at times, feel very isolating because no one knows what you are feeling in your body or processing in your mind but you; not even your partner...just you. 

Resist the urge to socially isolate. (Well unless you have Covid 19)

Trust me when I say there are many more isolating moments to come as a mom of a newborn. 

For starters, you are awake when the adults in your life are asleep and you are napping when they are awake and busy. As busy and intrigued as you may be with your little one, you will eventually crave adult conversations - so be sure to take advantage now. 

Go on those (Covid responsible) lunch dates, social gatherings, nature walks, etc. or have virtual chats. Bask in having those interruption free heart to heart conversations because there are days coming where you may be unable to get a good word in with your little one around. 

Healthy social connection, during pregnancy, is also a good way to practice emotional hygiene and reduce the likelihood of postpartum depression. 

2. Play. Define what is fun for you and be intentional about having as much of it before baby. Having a child changes and or delays the way you experience fun and sometimes for the better sometimes not. Be sure to connect with the activities that bring you personal joy and happiness, in case that changes. 

So whether it’s attending dance classes, spending hours doing crossword or word puzzles, painting, blasting loud music, binge watching a series on TV.

Fun fact: Singing in the shower or around the house is great practice for breathing through labour contractions and a great way to ease Braxton Hicks. 

Whatever it is that's good fun for you, make time for it. There are days coming when you may not have as much time to dedicate to your personal fun.  Here are some interesting movies you can watch about motherhood if your fun involves watching movies. 

3. Rest. If you’ve been reading up those baby books and articles, you’ve probably heard this advice before and it’s probably sounding like a bit of a cliche. Trust me when I say this is BIG facts. You will never rest the way you rest now, never again, once you become a mother. Unless you have some sleep disorder that knocks you all the way out, or something, you are going to become a light sleeper and be operating on less sleep than you are accustomed to. 

Really take the time now to prioritize your rest and enjoy it! Here are some tips for getting great rest now and after baby is born. 

In all things take a deep breath and ground yourself. Pray, meditate, spend time in nature, think of the many mothers who have successfully laboured and find your inner peace. 

Here's wishing you an enjoyable pregnancy and a safe, healthy delivery. 💜

Here's to STRONG Women

 

We recently celebrated International Women's Day under the theme 'Choose to Challenge' and it gave me the opportunity to pause and reflect on one of my favorite quotes:

"Here's to strong women:

May we know them;

May we be them and

May we raise them."

After reflecting and ruminating on what it means to be a STRONG woman, I've further defined it to make it even more real and relevant to all of our lives. I want to challenge us to start with ourselves. 

As it's still International Women's Month I'm sharing this definition right here and right now. 

S - Supported

Strong women not only give support; they need support. Even the most successful leaders, countries, and businesses rely on others for help and support because team work makes the dream work. Asking for help when you need it and collaborating to reach a goal is a sign of strength. As the saying goes 'If you want to go fast; go alone but if you want to go far; go together.'

T - Teacher

Everyone has something to teach and to learn, so make it a good lesson. Whatever you know or do well, share it with someone else; not only will it benefit and enrich another but it will also strengthen your knowledge and confidence in what you know and do well. 

R - Role Model

I've heard it said that those who can't do, teach; so the reverse must be true. Those who can't teach, do. Live your best life and in so doing be a good example to all the girls and young women who are looking for good role models. Be that best version of yourself, that someone to aspire to, even if it's just for you.

O - Organized

One of the bonuses of being an adult is having the freedom of choice. Most of us are at liberty to split our 24hrs however we choose and that is truly a gift. So the challenge is to not only organize our homes, children, spouses, employers lives but to organize our own lives according to our own personal goals.

N - Negotiator

I've once heard it said that everything in life is negotiable so remember that the next time you get a NO (or a not what you want or need). That no may not be final; it may be an opportunity to negotiate, to showcase your strong will, to truly ask for what you want and need with confidence and tenacity. 

G - Go Getter

Shelve the excuses and go get your goals. Not tomorrow, not next week, next month or next year. Start now. The power of NOW means you get to flex your motivation and determination muscles daily. With the power of now you get to keep moving step by step and leap by leap towards those goals until smashing goals becomes as natural as breathing. 

Takeaway 

As we demand what we need from others let's challenge ourselves to keep moving towards the ultimate goal and the daily work of becoming our best selves.

You've got this STRONG woman - I believe in you. I believe in us. Happy International Women's Month!💜

Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) & The Expecting Mom - Part 1

What is Hyperemesis Gravidarum?

A couple of months ago I could not even spell this disorder but it’s quite a different scenario when someone close to you becomes so deeply affected by it. You quickly learn all you can about Hyperemesis Gravidarum aka excessive vomiting aka HG.

A quick google will tell you, at the very least, that HG is a rare pregnancy condition that affects 1 in 3 pregnant women and basically prevents women from keeping food or even liquid down. A quick social media scan will reveal what HG is not. The consensus on social media is that HG is NOT a form of Morning Sickness and that it’s actually quite different in the way it disables expecting moms. 

I want to lend my voice in sharing about some of the effects, survival tips and precautionary measures that I have learned about from doing my own non-scholarly HG research. I also want to share, in follow up posts, some ideas of how family members can support an Expecting Mom battling HG. My hope is that this can create more space for HG Expecting Moms; Survivors and Support Family Members to share their experiences, tips and ideas for dealing with HG.

I first heard about Hyperemesis not from the news and Kate Middleton or Amy Schumer but from a YouTube family called The McClures. It was a video where the mom, Ami, was pregnant with her third child and always seemed to be MIA, locked away in a dark room. Even though she explained what she had and some of her symptoms, my mind still registered it as some weird ‘extreme morning sickness’ that only other people get. I had absolutely no context. They say it’s rare but not until it enters your circle do you realize it’s rare but happens a lot and often goes undiagnosed. 

Why HG flies under the radar...

An HG pregnancy is traumatic and unless deliberately documented, a survivor may not be able to adequately paint a clear picture for non sufferers. As a result, it ends up mostly being a ‘who feels it knows it’ type of disorder. 

Also, many HG sufferers may get medicines/treatment but never get a diagnosis or a name to put to what they are experiencing. Family members who had to lend support may also eventually forget how traumatic HG can be and especially when there is no name or label for that experience. The birth of a bouncing new baby also helps to erase the memory of some of the trauma. 

I believe it’s so important for Expecting Moms suffering from HG to receive a proper diagnosis; not only to get the right treatment plan but also to have a way to properly communicate what they are going through to family and friends so they can receive all the support they need. 

What does HG look like?

1. Excessive vomiting for more than 5 times per day.
2. Inability to keep even water or ice down
3. Extreme nausea 
4. Constant spitting
5. Strong aversions to food and food smells
6. Extreme dehydration 
7. Extreme Thirst 
8. Fire Like Feeling In Belly 
9. Strong headaches 
10. Sensitivity to light and sound 
11. Physical pain from heaving to vomit 
12. Nose bleeds from agressive vomiting 
13. Vomiting Blood 
14. Dark urine 
15. Little to no urine 
16. Extreme fatigue 

And the list goes on...

So just how can family and friends support an HG mom experiencing these strong debilitating symptoms? 

Comment below and I will include your suggestions in Part 2 of our HG awareness series. 💜

Self Esteem Tips For Moms

February is famously known as the Love month but did you know it’s also recognized, in some circles, as National Self Esteem Month?

I can’t think of a better way to close out February than to discuss some ways to build self esteem because I can’t think of anyone harder on herself and more deserving of greater self esteem than - a Mom. 💜

“Self-esteem comes from being able to define the world in your own terms and refusing to abide by the judgment of others.” - Oprah Winfrey 

Here are some powerful ways to boost your self esteem:

• STOP criticising yourself
• STOP negative & limiting self-talk/beliefs
• STOP allowing people’s negative opinion of you to define you. You are a work in progress. You can evolve and grow better every day. 
• STOP comparing yourself 
• STOP waiting around for others to celebrate you. 
• STOP downplaying genuine compliments you receive from others 
• START recognizing and celebrating your small and big wins. 
• START showing yourself the kindness and empathy you would show to a friend.
• START practising gratitude
• START moving – 20 to 30 minutes of exercise per day is a love letter to yourself. Read that again. 
• START doing more of what brings you joy in life.
• START spending more time with the people who bring you joy. 

“Learning to love yourself is (one of) the greatest love (s) of all.” - Whitney Houston 

What are some ways you practice building your self esteem? 

Day In The Life Of A Mom of 2

October 29, 2019

I feel overwhelmed. I feel anxious. I feel frozen, lethargic and stationary. I hate feeling this way. There is so much to do and already I feel I don't have enough energy to do it all. I managed to change one baby's diaper, the other one's needs changing but here I am lounging in the unmade bed thinking of all the chores and tasks I have to do.

Luckily I did not have to make breakfast for myself. My husband made fruit and eggs and I woke and made coffee. I should have more energy. This morning, brain work is draining me. Just texted and sent back a document to the realtor. Up thinking if the handy man will be coming back to our rental unit to finish up work started yesterday. Thinking about the job certification I need to study for to get certified by Friday. Waiting to hear if our offer on a home was accepted. Fear of the future and unknown is draining me. My toddler is done being distracted...back to life... 

Reaction: Nothing gives me more amusement & aha moments (as a mom and as a person) than reviewing my journal entries. I'm big on journaling and doing a brain dump daily or as frequently as it's needed. Self reflection through journaling is a good and healthy part oh mental health not just when in distress but throughout all emotions. Pre motherhood I used to do my journaling in pretty well bound journals but nowadays I write wherever whenever which sometimes is a quick brain dump in my phone. Anybody else does that? 

As a mom of three now, looking back on this express journal entry (as I'd like to call it); I'm happy to report that I can make my bed and my breakfast now (although which mom wouldn't enjoy having these things done for them?) and that our offer on a house was accepted and that we closed the chapter on that rental unit - with gratitude. My children require even more of my energy and attention than they did then #ToddlerLife 😅 I never did get that job I was certifying for and had I known the COVID 19 pandemic and additional baby was around the corner, I would have saved some of the energy and the worry. 😀😅 

Still wish I had more energy to do all I need/want to do. All the organization projects, completing important tasks on my to do list (that I've been procrastinating) advancing my entrepreneurial goals, homeschooling my kids, relationship goals, fitness goals, spiritual goals, self development goals etc etc. One thing this global pandemic has taught me twice over is that there is no use worrying over the future and the fear of the unknown because the present is the gift and all we really have. 

" She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future."

- Proverbs 31:25

Encouraging everyone...all the moms Expecting & OGs to take on each day as it comes with love, life & gratitude 💜

The Period of PURPLE Crying: Every Mom Must Know

 

After delivering my last baby, I was laying in my hospital recovery room when a nurse came in armed with paper work. Amongst the paperwork was a mother education form which was basically a checklist of baby care things the nurse was to walk me through; things like breastfeeding, baby wellbeing checks, post-partum care etc. She quickly ran through it and asked me to sign, at some lines marked x, that we discussed each topic. 

One of the things on it was a video I was to have watched called ‘The Period of PURPLE crying’. She suggested that I must have seen it having given birth twice before in our healthcare system. So I agreed that yes I must have seen it. She left the paper for me to sign and said she would return to collect it on her next round. 

I sat racking my brain about this PURPLE video . What was it about? Did I see it and forget? But I kept drawing blanks. One thing was certain and that was that I wasn’t going to sign to knowing something I didn’t know. So I turned to the internet and poured through several articles and videos on this very important finding that ALL new moms and anyone caring for a baby need to know. 

What is the period of PURPLE crying?

I’ve observed it with my all my babies (some more intense than others) but never had this language to describe it. Culturally, I would hear a fussy baby described as having colic or gripe.

P.U.R.P.L.E is an acronym used to describe the inconsolable crying of some babies after they are brought home from the hospital (because in hospital the nurses are pretty good at soothing and problem solving).

P- refers to the peak. It’s the worst in the first two months but it gets better by months 3-5

U- it’s unexpected. Especially for a new mom or new all over again. Things could be going smoothly and routinely and then bam you get hit with a crying storm

R- when baby resists all your efforts to console them (keep reading for a quick 10 minute tip🚨)

P- pain like face. This is where many first time moms may be tempted to pack baby up and take them to the emergency ward. 

L- It’s long lasting and may last as much as 5 hrs or more in a day

E- Crying may be more intense in the late afternoon or evening hours. Some parents call this 'the witching hour'

"An infant’s neck and spine should be supported at all times during a hold."

What NOT to do during PURPLE crying

Do not get distressed and do not shake the baby! This terminology was invented partly to prevent Shaken Baby Syndrome (SBS). SBS is where a frustrated parent loses emotional and physical control and inadvertently shakes the baby with fatal or irreparable damage to the infant. An infant’s neck and spine should be supported at all times during a hold. 

My tips for handling PURPLE crying before learning about the acronym?

I would try combinations of all of the following:

1. Holding baby, walk into another room
2. With my first child I would call my husband to come get the baby and then go into another room to cry and decompress then come back. Then, I discovered gripe water which helped a lot.
3. I gave all my babies a pacifier in the first week of life which I’ve found quite helpful 
4. Swaddling worked well for all my babies and especially the ones that allow you to tuck the arms in or out.
5. For my second born some time in her baby swing would calm her during this time. 
6. A feed, burp, cuddle and then parent rock in a rocker or glider.

General tips to help during PURPLE crying

1. Ask your spouse/partner/family member (who has also been educated on the period of PURPLE crying & SBS) to takeover while you compose yourself (or have a good cry). 
2. If you live alone or are home alone with baby put the baby down in a safe place/room and walk away. If you have a baby monitor you can check in every 15- 20 minutes. Crying is not fatal to a baby but SBS is.
3. Call someone on the phone so you can share your distress and calm down
4. Take 10 minutes to try this breathing activity recommended by the National Center on Shaken Baby Syndrome

10 Minute Activity

Here's a 10 minute activity to practice regaining emotional control when you feel a little too irritable, frustrated or angry:

Find a Spot to Sit

Find a spot to sit alone with few distractions - turn off the television, music, or computer. If you have a baby monitor with you, try to use one that has a sound activated setting or turn the volume down low.

Roll Your Head

Roll your head from shoulder to shoulder in slow half circles. People tend to hold tension in their neck and upper back, so taking a quick minute to loosen up those muscles can help you feel relaxed.

Take a Deep Breath

Take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. Feel your chest and belly expand when you inhale fully and notice that when you exhale, your relax. We use more muscles to expand our chest and inhale than we do to exhale, in fact, it takes considerably more effort to hold your ribcage open. It is simply easier to breathe out than in.

Exhale

When you exhale, focus on letting go of the thoughts rattling around in your head. Just as your body will naturally let go of each breath, your mind can let go of the thoughts that come with being agitated.

Sit For As Long As You Can

Sit for as long as you can, focusing on breathing out and, with each exhale, letting go of what's on your mind. New thoughts will pop up each time you let one go, and that's okay – the point is to relax, to resist focusing on the things that are irritating you, and let your mind become less rigid or stuck on being upset. Some people find it helpful to whisper or say "let go" with each exhale, after a few breaths this out-loud cue might not be necessary anymore; like an acorn rolling downhill you'll build momentum once the process gets going and may be able to think about letting go of your thoughts instead.

Remember

Remember, the idea isn't to stop thinking, but to not get fixated on any one thought.

For more information on the period of PURPLE crying visit purplecrying.info

Have you seen 20 Tips To Soothe Your Fussy Baby?